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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Day I Realized You Are Nothing, I Am Something

5:17 PM Posted by freezer_91 No comments

-a picture by `isacg of deviantart-

Every second, every minute, I sang you a song today that evaporated from the heat of my longing. I could feel the presence of you through the bubble wrap of my memory. All I know is I cannot live without you. But, when I closed my eyes all I could see is only darkness and I know that you have long gone, left me behind. This story between you and me never really had a beginning, so how could you expect me to face an ending? Sometimes, I have to learn to hate logic. Almost as I hate you now.

If I turned off my brain, there is nothing I can do logically. But, my brain always kept repeating your name, kept repeating your face. I once told you that we will never break our relationship, but now, everything’s changed. You left me alone, after all the things that we have gone through. I told you that you’d never be able to hide that beauty from me, but I guess I forgot that love between anybody never lasted because someday he/she will go, left us behind.

I slept all night in the wake of your last smile, trying to remember just how your crooked teeth flashed and how your perfume still smelled of roses. I woke up and thought I’d to go buy myself a bag of feathers, glue them to my arms and fly myself to you. But my motorcycle was out of gas and I never really did like heights much anyways. 

You had once told me to sing “Tanpa” to you. So, that night I practice and practice, all because of you. I was too tired to pretend that nothing was happened, so on that afternoon, I just laid in bed and counted the days that you had promised would never leave me. That we will be together to the end of our lives. On the twenty third day that I count, I fell asleep, lost track. 

I tried to forget you today. One by one by six by how many times I imagined I was bringing out the worst in you. That thing was just only for me to hate you more. But, it have had worsened me by remembering you always. When I was done, I stared at the deflated plastic sheet and thought I saw your smile, your beauty. I hate to confess, but I’m a coward and I threw it away before I could convince myself that I still love you. 

Today is the seventeen day of the seventh month (if I’m not mistaken), the day you were born. And I try not to call or send any messages anymore to you, and luckily I have done it successfully. I am not sure that you remember me or not, but honestly, I want you to feel waiting of my wishes to you. Now is the 201th day you left me, and I still cannot totally throw you out of my life.

[Day I Lost Count]
I am now a new person. I now have undergone the revolution phase. I became a better person that you have ever imagined. I hope that you will never appear in front of me ever. I had many friends that can support me now, not liked you. I now have got the true love. I know that He will never disappoint me, like you did before. Our lives are full of sins; it is time that we all go back to our Creator. He has been waiting for us such a long time, and He will always accept us no matter how we are. I am now something, and for me, you are nothing, just like the normal person I interact day by day.

p/s : correct me if I'm wrong, buncha? anyone? help me with my language...

-5:17 p.m.-

Continue to search for His blessings...


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